Chapter 40: Closure

Hi Toni, how are you?

You might be surprised that I’m writing. I decided to write because there are things I want to say before I can close a chapter of my life in my head. It’s not a message that is asking for a reply, just one that invites you to listen.

I’ve been reflecting a lot about the past 2-3 years, including the time we spent together, and I realised how starkly my perspectives have changed since then. The time we met was a time when I was entrapped in the false belief of needing another person in my life in order to feel complete. You could say that I lost myself too much in somebody else which made me too demanding, needy, and pushy. I was blinded by an illusion stemming from my own expectations.

In hindsight, it feels as if my perception of reality stood on a titled floor. I therefore want to apologise for any pressures I might have put on you. I think I understand the situation you were in much better now.

At the same time, I want to say thank you. You might not be aware of it but you strongly contributed to shaping my personal growth. Some say that every person who crosses your path in life has something to teach you. In your case, our encounter enabled me to overcome this exhaustive chase for external anchors and instead settle in myself.

Would I change anything about the time we had if I could? I certainly wouldn’t do things in the same ways anymore, and I wish I had soaked in the enjoyable moments in a more mindful manner. Nevertheless, I’m very glad that our paths crossed at the time when they did because this time taught me lessons I really needed to learn. Thank you for that!

When a person keeps churning your mind and when your memories of them flood your conscious at whim, it’s a sign that you haven’t gotten closure with them yet. Until now, you haven’t been ready to file away the relationship you used to have with this person because certain issues have been left unresolved ever since the two of you parted ways. However, you now want to move on and you want to find a proper ending to what has been left unsealed in the past. This is what closure is all about. Closure tapes open questions and emotional shards, so that they cannot bounce around in your head uncontrollably anymore.

What is it that causes your soul to flag this chapter with them as incomplete? And what remedies could possibly appease the internal upheaval which is stemming from this unfinished story?

How you can attain closure is for yourself to determine because closure is a process of finding peace for yourself and nobody else. Accordingly, I cannot tell you what closure is supposed to look like exactly. But here is the one thing which I have learnt. Be utterly honest with yourself when trying to fathom what emotions, thoughts, and memories must be sewed up before you reach closure. Don’t lie to yourself, even if it means admitting that you are still too engaged with your past. Gently accept that deeper wounds take more time to heal. In the end, finding closure marks a patient pilgrimage towards meeting a version of yourself that will be ready to release unsettling reminiscences from your grasp.

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